Ep.1/ Generational Trauma in Rice and Beans
“We are often raised by people marked by unresolved personal and generational trauma. By not attending to these wounds in us, we go from being recipients to being co-authors in these stories. In this way, we perpetuate cycles of trauma in our children and/or future generations.”
Listen Now: audio narrated by Dr. Diana Punales-Morejon
Generational trauma is a chain that carries the emotional pain of previous generations and that impacts future generations if they do not break these cycles. This, is a result of significantly painful events that marked the lives of individuals, families, communities, races, cultures and countries, at a particular moment in history and through the years.
The direct line where this emotional weight travels is through our primary caregivers. In general, these chains are difficult to break, and they multiply as we induce in others the pain that we are not able to tolerate, process or manage on our own.
Ep.1/
Trauma Generacional
We are often raised by people marked by their own unresolved personal and generational trauma. By not attending to these wounds in us, we go from being recipients to being co-authors in these stories. In this way, we perpetuate cycles of trauma in our children and/or future generations.
We see the greatest recurrence of generational traumas in minoritized groups and disadvantaged communities, where poverty, discrimination and violence abound. And unfortunately, the social system in which we live promotes unequal treatment and opportunities for these communities, our communities, which keeps repeating these cycles.
We know that both parents and grandparents often try to survive and do the best they could with the tools and resources they had. However, these loads are extremely difficult to carry if they are not properly cared for.
The psychological energy that unresolved trauma consumes actively limits our cognitive resources (e.g. memory skills, decision making, attention, concentration, planning, reasoning, among others). It also limits our tolerance level for managing our own emotions, as well as robbing us of the ability to be emotionally available to others.
In addition to the emotional impact, it has been shown that generational trauma creates changes at the genetic level in the children of the victims, thus making them more reactive to future stressors and more vulnerable to developing traumas among other mental health problems; especially when we are raised in toxic and oppressive environments that deplete our emotional resources.
Attachment theories provide us with a better understanding of how these generational chains impact our nervous system. It is clear that our emotional needs are as important to our survival as food. We are beings dependent on the touch, care, attention and unconditional love of our primary caregivers. Our nervous system is wired for connection with others, since our survival depends on it. We are the species that most needs other beings to live and navigate the world.
The quality of the attachment that we form with our caregivers is the bridge that facilitates the knowledge and satisfaction of those needs. The bonds of connection with our caregivers trace our internal map that we then use as a reference to explore and navigate the world. And it is from these early relationships that the ideas of who we are, feel, think and do emerge, which then become our compass that guides our relationship with ourselves and with others.
Trauma is observed from the wound it leaves on the victim, and not necessarily from the nature of the event itself; although there are usually events or series of events that clearly leave wounds in anyone who experiences it. When we speak of “trauma”, we are not only referring to those events that are obviously traumatic such as physical, emotional, and sexual abuse; but also neglect, food insecurity, having witnessed violence between parents, abandonment of the home or loss of a loved one. In addition to these events, there are also wounds that are gradually created over time, which also leave their significant mark.
In the trauma field, we understand that it's not just about what happened, but also what was supposed to happen and didn't. Like, for example, in homes where perhaps there was no active physical abuse, but there was also no affection, words of encouragement, or perhaps a space for a child to freely express their emotions, curiosities, desires and ideas; all of which are crucial for the healthy emotional development of every human being.
In these homes we also see that, inversely, the ideas, desires, beliefs and needs of adults are often imposed on their children, limiting the free and authentic expression of the child. This is understood as attempts by the adult to exert some kind of external control through the child to compensate for the internal chaos that dominates their life and interactions as a result of their trauma/s. It is then that we see inverted roles where children begin to emotionally care for their caregivers, assuming a responsibility that exceeds the capacities of the child within their stage of development. What we know as the "parentified child".
These dynamics are manifested in different ways in the minor, and they becomes the reference map to relate to themselves and others. Some of these examples we see in children who later become adults who abandon their needs, putting others' needs above their own, isolating themselves emotionally, distrusting themselves and others, and/or doing everything possible to meet the expectations and demands of others. It is when we see how the initial dynamic that began with our caregivers is replicated. Where we did our best to look like the version that was "expected" of us or "the most accepted" by society and family. Getting further and further away from the real version of who we are or what we want to be.
The purpose behind all this is survival. Meeting these demands and expectations, is our attempt to maintain a certain “family system harmony”, in addition to obtaining the validation, affection and attention that we need so much to survive. These dynamics create a false idea of our value, which ceases to be inherent, and is limited to being a simple product of conditioned interactions. We remain afraid to show who we are, since, at the end of the day, life taught us that "we survive when we hide what we feel and comply with what others want from us."
In therapy, we find a safe space where we don't have to pretend. We arrive just as we are, with the wounds, doubts, pains and conflicts that are part of the complexity of life. It is in these spaces where we can get to know our “authentic self” and understand the complexity behind what we feel, think and do. After all, those protective layers have helped us survive, and once we feel safe and able to hold and heal our own wounds, the alarm goes off. It is at that moment that our nervous system stops using energy to protect and survive, and allows us to invest that psychological energy in those things that truly make us happy.
The making of rice and bean is something that for which recipes are often passed down in families, generation after generation. With this discussion on trauma here, I leave only a portion of what is understood as generational trauma which occurs when trauma is passed down in families, generation after generation. It is a complex subject with many layers of onion to peel.
I will regulate my motherly impulses to serve things in large portions and so I'll end at this point so as not to overwhelm you with information and give you space to digest.
- Written by: Dr. Dalissa Nevarez, PsyD